Have you had an identity crisis!?!?!?!?

I have a client named Suzy Schniffleheizer. Suzy started training with me and 4 months later she went from 252 pounds to 256 pounds. No progress. After a tough discussion, she got on track and began seeing results. To get the details of that tough discussion read my article entitled “Forget how you feel, what can you prove?” Anyway, after about 10 weeks and 26 pounds lost, Suzy looked up at me and said “Will I lose all my strength as I lose weight? Because I don’t want to be a skinny weak girl.” My response was “That’s a bunch of bull crap!”

In the 7 months we had been training together, Suzy had never once mentioned a goal of being strong. It never once came up. I identified to her that she had created an identity for herself that was the “Big girl.” I recalled her refer to herself as the “big girl” and would do so in a positive light that suggested that she a big and strong girl. The problem with this “identity” was that it was a crutch that was holding her back. I saw this condition in one of my trainers who was a big guy at about 24% body fat. He always identified himself as the “big football” type guy. This allowed him to justify his excessive body weight and feel ok with it. Even though, he explained to me on several occasions he wanted to be smaller.

Suzy asked me why should create that identity for herself and I said “Simple, if you create that identity for yourself, you can convince people that you are happy with the person you are. If you are happy with the person you are, they have no reason to judge you for being overweight and out of shape. It is a defense mechanism.”

It wasn't until she "killed" her big, strong
 identity, that Suzy was able to break free
 and be phenomenal.

I explained to Suzy that her identity crisis was making her fail. You see, she had told me that in the  past she would do good for a couple of days or have a good workout and reward herself with some pizza or beer.  Her identity allowed herself to do those things because a “big, strong, power lifter” girl would eat pizza and drink beer as a reward. She stopped and thought for a moment and then proclaimed, “Wow, you are totally right. But what do I do? How do I lose that identity?” I told her will have to have a funeral.  We were going to have to “KILL” the big, strong, power lifter girl. We would have to kill her so Suzy’s real desired identity, which was “150 pound, skinny Suzy” could have a chance at survival. So we did just that. I went home and made a headstone. We went out back behind the gym and had a funeral.

Have you created an identity for yourself that is sabotaging your success? If you have, you need to kill it and create a new identity for yourself that is conducive to what you want. Suzy had to kill her “big, strong, power lifter” girl identity because that identity was too accepting of bad behaviors and bad decisions. “Big, strong, power lifter” girl was more than willing to eat pizza and drink beer because it supported her, but to “150 pound, skinny” Suzy, eating pizza and drinking beer as a reward was not acceptable. Pizza and beer as a reward is not possible in the world of “150 pound, skinny” Suzy. “150 pound, skinny” Suzy needed to be disciplined because “150 pound, skinny” Suzy was more interested in buying smaller clothes than the short term gratification some beer and pizza brought. 

Do you need a new identity?