Tuesday, October 19, 2010

For the boys who want to date my daughter!


NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME__________________  DATE OF BIRTH_________ HEIGHT_________

WEIGHT_______  IQ_____  GPA_______SOCIAL SECURITY #___________

DRIVERS LICENSE #_____________BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________

HOME ADDRESS_________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes  ___No 

Is one male and the other female? ___Yes  ___No

If No, explain:____________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married: _________________________________

If less than your age, explain: __________________________________________ 


Matching Section
I believe knowledge is a very important thing for a young man to have, especially when one is interested in dating my daughter. By drawing a line, please match the weapons on the left to the appropriate amount of damage they can do to a human body, on the right. It would be in your best interest to know these answers and NEVER, ever forget them.
1) .357 Magnum                                        a. The ability to smack the daylights out of punk kids
                                                                        while leaving minimal evidence.

2) 9 mm handgun                                      b. can put a 12 inch hole in your chest.

3) Shotgun                                                 c. can take your shoulder off at 15 feet

4) 1 inch steel pipe I keep                        d. can put 15 rounds in your body in about 10 seconds        in my closet.

5) My bare hands                                     e. can break every bone in your body


Multiple Choice Section
1. What are the acceptable ways that you may address me? (Circle all that apply)               
A. Mr. Brawner          B. Sir            C. Dude           D. No words but quickly jerking your head in an upward motion as if to say “What’s up?”

2. Animals can only find a human body if it is within 12 inches of the surface of the ground. Guess how long it takes me to dig a grave that is 13 inches deep and your height.
A. 1 day              B. 20 minutes    C. It doesn’t matter Sir, because it will never come to that.

3. Let’s pretend that one day my daughter loses her mind and suggests that you two should kiss, “make out,” or engage in any other act beyond holding hands. Your response will be:

A. Yes                    B. Cool                         C. Out of a deep rooted respect for your fathers’ ability and willingness to emasculate me, I will have to decline. However, I would very much like to “court” you as a proper gentleman after your father has given me permission.


Some facts about me that you may find helpful
1. On more than one occasion I have been in a situation where I was forced to take another persons life. I am very comfortable in this situation.
2. I have detailed knowledge of the human body that includes pressure points, major blood vessels, major airways, and pretty much anything necessary to hurt you.
3. I love my daughter more than my freedom. In addition, I am so arrogant I honestly believe I can make you disappear and completely get away with it. 
4. I have extensive knowledge of several “back roads, abandoned highways, cabins, etc...” and other places in the deserts of central Oregon that would prohibit anyone within 20 miles from hearing your screams.


ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van?                 __Yes  __No                

B. A waterbed?                                                         __Yes  __No
                                 
C. A truck with oversized tires?                                __Yes  __No                                     

D. A tattoo?                                                              __Yes  __No  
                               
E. A pickup with a mattress in the back?                __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,                      __Yes  __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?______________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, describe YOUR INTENTIONS with my daughter.
 _________________________________________________________________________________



SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:  Answer by filling in the blank. 

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:__________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:_________________

C: A woman's place is in the:___________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: __________________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? _______________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: __________________________________________________________________

G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________________


I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND ANYTHING ELSE MR. BRAWNER COMES UP WITH.

______________________________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

__________________________________              ________________________________
Mother's Signature                                                   Father's Signature

__________________________________             _________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                                                  State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

Thank you for applying,
Mr. Brawner

My kid needed to POOP!

I wrote this article about a year ago and have left out names and gender to keep my child from wanting to kill themselves for me writing this article. I just felt it was too funny and educational to not share with all of you. Please do not interrogate my children in an attempt to find out who it was. It does not matter.

One weekend one of my kids was complaining that their stomach was hurting very bad. The pain was shooting in their stomach, kidney area, and even in their back. My wife being very concerned, took the child to the Doctor after a couple of days of intense pain that would not seem to go away. My child went to the Doctor’s office twice and had several tests and X-rays done to see what could be possibly wrong. My wife was very concerned for our child’s safety and was worried about the prognosis from the Doctor. I had a feeling everything was going to be ok. Let me explain. For about 5 months prior to this event, my wife and I had drastically changed our children’s diet. We removed all foods from their daily eating that contained 20% sugar to Carbohydrate ratios. After realizing how much sugar is in the average American diet and studying the negative effects of sugar on children we realized how harmful it is to children. For example, one teaspoon of sugar will suppress the human immune system for 6 hours. The average American consumes 190 pounds of sugar per year while the average child consumes 250 pounds per year.

Is it any wonder we are always sick, tired, and getting headaches all the time? To get back on track with the story, the day before the incident, my child went to a friends house where they participated in a “junk food” scavenger hunt. The list of items they were to find and then consume, included slurpees, large chocolate chip cookies, soda, candy, and other sweet treats. I think it would be safe to say that my child consumed more processed foods and sugar in that one day than they had in the last month.

While the Doctor’s were formulating their theories and running their tests I just had a sneaky suspicion that my child's ailments were a direct reflection of the less than ideal food choices. I have to admit, I was a little concerned because my little child was in pain, I just didn't think it was as bad as we were led to believe. After several tests and 3 days later the prognosis came. My child was severely constipated. They needed to poop. Some of the main causes for constipation include a lack of water intake, (you don't drink much water when you are drinking soda and slurpees) a change in the regular diet routine, (You think?) and a lack of fiber (no fiber in soda, slurpees, and very little in chocolate chip cookies). Just for the record, I am not saying my child "deserved" constipation. However, they definitely provided an environment for constipation to THRIVE in their body.

Teach your children how to identify their
 current state of health by knowing what poop
should look like. It's not nearly as embarrassing
as being constipated. I promise.


While it amazes me that Doctor’s are so willing to do 4-5 tests and X-rays while overlooking the obvious, it is also re-assuring that something as simple as good eating habits can make a huge difference in my child’s health. By no means, am I intending to discredit the work and service Doctor’s provide, I just think that by asking a couple of questions and understanding how a large dose of sugar can affect a child who otherwise does not consume a lot of sugar, we could have avoided some hefty medical expenses.

Initially, I was upset that the parents involved did not check with my wife or myself to let us know the sugar binge they had planned for my child, but after thinking about it, it was a good thing because now my child truly believes my wife and I when we say that they need to avoid sugar and processed foods. My child no longer questions us, nor do they believe that we just want to ruin their childhood by not letting them eat 250 pounds of sugar per year.

Have fun and don’t think it is “depriving” your children to limit their sugar intake.

Victor

Awesome article by Martin Rooney- one of the many inspirations at ELITE Fitness and Education

The following article was written by Martin Rooney. Martin Rooney has writting the "Training for Warriors" books and you will find several of your boot camp exercises in his books. He has been one of many huge influences at ELITE Fitness and Education and I continue to be amazed by his insights and passion to help a fallen industry. Please read and enjoy this article. I loved it.

Evolution Revolution: My Manifesto
By: Martin Rooney
You know what kills me?  When we get shocked about overweight people, injured athletes, or when I hear about another study trying to figure out why we aren’t living as long. I’ll be the first to state that there is way more we don’t understand, than what we do about the human body. But, let’s not make it so complex that things sitting right under our noses seem so mysterious.
I believe that if we look at training and health through an “evolutionary lens,” we can get an instant perspective of where we’re at as a species, and where we’re going if we don’t straighten out most of our “anti-human” behavior.
It all starts with a simple rule of mine.
Spit in the face of Mother Nature and something bad is bound to happen.
There are things you are currently doing that you’re just not designed for. Keep it up and problems are going to happen.
I know what you want. You want to increase your muscle mass, be a badass athlete, get lean, or score with more members of the opposite sex. I know this because you’re human. Everyone has those “desires” to “take over the tribe by force and spread your genes.” It’s in your DNA. We’ve all been designed to think this way. Unfortunately, as you will see from this article, our current generation is doing almost everything in its power to counteract these urges (as evidenced by the fact most of us are not ripped, jacked and chick magnets).  And as you’ll see, besides not meeting our immediate desires, it just might be killing us.
Interesting? Well, if you’re one of the few that still want the strong body and attractive mate, the easiest way to get any of these is to hop in your time-traveling Delorean, go back to the right date, and choose your parents wisely. I say this because the current group of parents may just be wiping out our future.
Today parents tell their kids to eat everything on their plate, drink all of their juice, stop running around and to put on shoes before they sit down to play their video games. And often, instead of forcing adaptations that we’re designed to have, we create crutches like clothes, medicine, shoes and calculators that make our lives easier, but make us physically and mentally soft. Call me environmentally conscious, but when I hear an overweight mom or dad tell their equally overweight kid to clean their plate, I only want to clean their clock. To kill two birds with one stone, a good way to do this would be to take a copy of Charles Darwin’s work over the top of their ever-softening dome.
This year is the 200th anniversary of Darwin’s birth and 150th of the first edition of his landmark book, On the Origin of Species. You may know Darwin’s main theory: that species will evolve through genetic variation and natural selection.
What he meant is that there will be a number of different presentations of a species, so that there will be the best chance of a species’ survival in any environment. The ones best suited for survival make it, while the others are weeded out. Translation: If you are as tough as nails, you get to eat. If you get to eat, you get the chicks. If you get the chicks, your genes (and the genetic variations that led to the favorable traits that got you the food and girl) get passed on. Also known as: Survival of the Fittest.
I like Darwin’s work, not only because it’s provocative, but also because his concept of natural selection is applied in so many industries today (like business and science). My goal is to apply it to training and the human body. Then, I’ll explain in evolutionary terms a lot of things that we see today that we are missing or just making way too complicated.
So, let’s take a step back and use the old concept of evolution to create a new revolution about our training, diet and future.
How Do You Feel About Evolution?
Before I go any further, I must say I never want to offend anyone’s beliefs. Evolution is still a racy topic and in its teaching in certain school systems across the US, some see it as undermining religion. I don’t want that in any way to be the focus of this article. That’s not my belief and definitely not my intention.
If this is a topic you haven’t thought much about, however, I will say that the more you ignore the information and stay spellbound, the more trouble you’ll be in.
What I’d like to do is reach a consensus by asking a few questions:
•Can we agree that humans have been on this planet for a long time? The fossil record goes back two to five million years.
•Can we agree that the appendix is a suspected organ that’s now dormant? You can take it out and not have problems. What was it for?
•Can we agree there is a fight or flight response? This ancient protective mechanism is now causing new evolutionary problems like Road Rage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and more…
•Can we agree that the reproductive cycle in women is getting longer and the sperm count in men shrinking?  If you didn’t know it, they are…GULP!
•Can we agree that cancer rates, obesity, diabetes, heart disease and infertility are at an all-time high? We are also passing genes for these problems on to our children.
If we can start to agree on these things, it shows us something very interesting: we’re changing from what we were. These statements above and the prediction that our pinky toe will eventually evolve away is what I call contemporary evolution. If you’re into the caveman diet, eat/train “Paleo,” or think it might just be true that “grass fed” meat instead of hormones loaded is healthier, maybe you’re into this idea more than you think!
So, if we can agree that the last handful of years demonstrate that evolution is taking place, let’s have some fun with it. Go way back and try to come up with an explanation as to why we may be doing ourselves more harm than good when it comes to our training and diet.
Human Development and Exercise
The brain essentially developed while working out. Research shows activity is essential to brain development and learning. A million years ago we were on the move approximately 6 – 10 miles per day. That’s how we were designed and where we learn best. We had to remember what was trying to kill us. When hunting and moving, we needed to remember how to hunt again and also what not to do again. These are pitfalls like quicksand, bad berries, etc. I find it funny how we ignore our senses today and poison ourselves, just because there are a bunch of zeros on the label.
A big brain and its ability to remember things separates us from all od the other species on the planet. To remember is to survive. We have forgotten all the things we’re supposed to do, like eat right, exercise, etc. We’ve also forgotten how to listen to our bodies. Perhaps our brain has gotten too big and now we’re weeding ourselves out. To find these humans suffering from evolution amnesia, just go to your local supermarket. Anyone of these zombies that you see solely roaming the inner isles of the store hunting for the next bag of cocoa crappies or sugar coated poison crisps is your target.
When you put an animal in zoo, give it a steady stream of food without the necessity of exercise, three things happen:
1. It goes nuts.
2. It stops reproducing.
3. It gets fat.
In a way, it might be nature’s way of making sure that animal doesn’t live on. Well, we’re in the zoo and since there aren’t any bars, we just don’t know it. But we do know all three problems are starting to plague us. Just sit in an airport for a few hours and “people watch” to see just how shallow the gene pool is actually getting.
Are We Making Athletes Worse?
Now I know people train hard. Why else would you be on this site? But here’s something we never really stop to consider: are we making ourselves worse through certain types of training?
I think we are.
In some cases, I think the human species hasn’t evolved fast enough for the stress we’re currently trying to endure.
Sports – and most exercise for that matter – are contrived. Let me say that again,  sports – and most exercise for that matter – are contrived. We did not evolve on it. Sports are the last 50-100 years out of 8 million. Most fitness “crazes” are even less. As a result, we aren’t ready for a lot of it. Actually, almost all of the injuries that confuse many doctors today like ACL, concussions, sports hernias, patellofemorals, etc., could be confusing them because they – for the most part – never existed!
Let’s cut the confusion, and give some easy explanations:
•Concussion: The human head is not designed to speed at 30 to 90 mph and then come crashing into something head on…and it won’t be anytime soon that it will.
•ACL: We were meant to run straight ahead, just faster than the other guy that gets eaten. Now sports need us to cut, land, rotate, pivot, etc…and ACL’s happen. That one is just not going away, it is getting worse!
•Sports Hernia:  The most common sport to see this in is hockey. The common number of our ancestors that skated – none.  Enough said.
Overuse injuries? How about we rename these injuries “inhuman repetitious irritants.” Tennis elbow? Jumper’s Knee? Carpal Tunnel? Thrower’s Shoulder? Golfer’s Low Back? Yeah, I don’t think prehistoric men worried about that. He was more worried about something called Sabre Tooth Puncture.
According to the fact this generation will live less than their parents, we could make a case that we are De-evolving.  I think we’re just naturally selecting ourselves out of things, but we don’t even know it. Darwin’s theory was that things who could not survive the conditions were weeded out. When new things were added to some species, they couldn’t adapt.
I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a long time before our ligaments are either very vascular, or so strong they don’t break. It will be a while before our skulls can handle full-collisions on the football field, and that kids are born with the motor program to skate instead of walk. Until then, the problems are going to continue to happen. We have more training than ever, more education than ever…and more injuries than ever. We’re simply doing things we aren’t designed for, and instead of protecting ourselves, or lessening the eventual injury, we actually increase both the chances and severity.
Need an example?
Let’s say I take you and make your quads and glutes stronger, but neglect your adductors and abductors so they’re not as strong. We’ve created an imbalance, which is potentially a problem. You weren’t designed to have some muscles completely able to overpower other smaller muscles and take the force. You can now actually tear a muscle off.
So now I’ve made your primary movers bigger, but your stabilizers are still weak. Now I tell you to run as fast as you can, even though you’re not built for slowing down because your ancestors for a million years never had this skill imprinted into their genetic code. You don’t have a natural motor program for it because you didn’t have to score a touchdown or cut to make a layup a million years ago. Do you see how this could be disastrous? For the person not into the evolution idea, but is still reading for kicks, just think bigger engine, same car, no breaks. All sports demand a change of direction and slowing down, but we haven’t been built for it.
This example shows only three things we have to understand about the human organism to make sure we don’t hurt ourselves: deceleration, eccentric control and muscular balance. But, when’s the last time you thought of any of those when you decided to do your squat workout?
By taking this evolutionary approach, we obtain a starting point to base everything else. So, just for fun, let’s take a few other stabs in the dark to see what we can uncover.
Functional Assessment?
Yeah, these are the popular thing now. Let’s face it, the biggest dysfunction is obesity. This results from bad eating and the biggest dysfunctional behavior: living a sedentary lifestyle. Put those together and you got fat people that are all tight in the same places. In my mind, as people’s weight goes up, both their flexibility and assessment “scores” are going to keep going down. And the problems will be in all the same spots. The solution is not to foam roll your fat ass for an hour and then whack down a 1,000 calorie latte/protein shake either. The solution is simpler than that. Get up, close the hole under your nose and start moving around…a lot.
Over the last 17 years, I’ve watched assessments continue to “evolve.” It all started for me in 1993, when I started learning orthopedic assessment at the Medical University of South Carolina.  We’ve moved from muscle to muscle during this period getting deeper into anatomy, but unfortunately further from a remedy. First it was the tight pecs, which affected the shoulder. Then we got deep into the rotator cuff and how important that is. Then, it was the psoas and hammies. Then we got fancy and noticed the lats and the subscapularis. Then it was lower traps. Now, tight ankles are the new big thing. Who knows, maybe next year we’ll be back to the same tight pecs which will lead to the 2011 Rotator Cuff Revolution.
Come on guys, we sleep 7 – 8 hours a day. Now, in a soft bed with the feet plantar flexed under our fluffy covers, the ankles are going to lock up a bit. Now, that might be ok if we were active and maybe took our shoes off as you will see later, but we don’t walk or move the feet very much. Then, we put on our tight fashionable shoes with a heel lift and wonder what the problem is. The tight soleus and gastrocs put more pressure on the knee and low and behold – we have patello-femoral syndrome to go with our plantar fascitis. Another couple of classic nebulous things no one seems to really understand.
Then, when we aren’t in the bed because our knees and feet are killing us, we’re sitting hunched over watching our de-evolution marvel: the TV. This leads to our tight psoas and hammies. We, as a species spend more time sitting than ever. The entire process, our body is molding into the positions we spend the most time in. Tight pecs, lats, ankles and hip flexors…yeah I think we got it.

Then, when we want high performance a few hours a week in a contrived sport we are surprised by the injury that was bound to happen. Hey, I’m all for Assessment, but only when there’s real execution behind it. So until we change the causes, don’t look for easy solutions, look for changes in behavior. If you can’t help a person make changes there, then does it matter if they know what to do but don’t ever do what they know? And behavior brings us right back to evolution now doesn’t it?

Evolutionary Answers to Interesting Questions
Why can’t athletes accelerate properly?
Behavioral evolution is an interesting concept. People are inherently afraid of things that used to cause them hard. Think of why kids are afraid of snakes and spiders. They may not do too much damage now. Really, how many deadly spiders do we see on a daily basis? But a few hundred thousand years ago, they could kill you. Same thing with falling down while sprinting.
Speaking of sprinting, while training the NFL combine guys, the hardest thing to get them to do is to accelerate. To truly accelerate you have to almost fall on your face. To really hit it perfect where your center of gravity is far in front of your base of support so you can use gravity to your advantage, you have to go way past your comfort zone.
So why wouldn’t my guys accelerate properly? Because they were scared of falling. But what kind of sense does that make?
What’s the worse that would happen? You’d fall, everyone else in the tribe would pass you and you’d get eaten. People have a big fear of falling. We weeded out the guys who fell on their faces. If you wanted to run to avoid being dinner, you’d have to be really tall to maintain speed and be careful not to fall.
But it doesn’t work like that on the 40-yard dash. If my guy wants to make 8 million bucks, he has to learn how to detrain that 8-million-year-old response.

So what do I do? I have him fall on his face. Over and over.

It’s the only way to teach the proper position. After they realize they won’t get hurt or eaten by a tiger, we back off the falling part by just a hair, and teach them how to explode out of that starting point. That’s how looking at evolution has helped me produce over 150 of the fastest – and sometimes richest – guys in the NFL.
Are your shoes making you soft and weak?
For years people have been calling me “the barefoot guy” since I’ve been preaching about shoe-less training at every seminar I give. My athletes do their speed training, mobility, stretching, and lower-body strength exercises barefoot.
Here’s why.
Hammer toes? Achilles Tendonitis? Corns? Bunyons? Plantar fascitis? Yeah, take off your shoes.
When I was working solely as a physical therapist, one of the areas I could never make a great impact with people was their feet.
In therapy, if you had shoulder surgery I wouldn’t just put you in a sling. First, I’d get the range of motion back, start building strength and make a physical change. But with a foot, conventional wisdom was to just put you in a softer and softer shoe until eventually you’d wear a boot and then move to crutches. That’s in the reverse direction!
After some research, I learned that roughly 25 percent of all the joints in your body are in your feet. If you look at the bone structure and how it’s designed it’s almost identical to your hand. Your feet should actually be fantastic sensors and just as mobile and capable as your hands! The heel pads are designed to get thickened like the sole of the shoe. Yet the prehensile ability and durability of the feet in adults is almost gone since their feet have been shoved in shoes all their lives.
Just look at babies when they’re born; their feet are mobile and able to grip stuff. But I’ve had first-round draft picks that couldn’t even pick up a pencil with their feet! Too bad the first thing we do is get kids a pair of Air Jordan’s cause “it’s so cute” and then bronze them and hang them in pride when they grow out of them!
By having my patients and athletes take their shoes off and strengthen their feet, they regained balance and proprioception and their pains virtually disappeared. Now that their feet could move, they had less foot, ankle, knee, hip, lower-back and shoulder problems!
The more you take away the mobility of the foot by taping them up and putting them in further taped up shoes and cleats, that’s where the injuries occur. You might as well cut to the chase and put some cement shoes on and be done with it. You’re not born with shoes on. We’ve been convinced that it’s the shoe on the foot instead of the foot in the shoe that makes the difference. I don’t agree.
Our feet are like two dead animals on the end of our legs we don’t use. If we change that, I think we’ll see better performance and a lot less injuries.
A few simple solutions: whenever you can take your shoes off, do it. Do the alphabet at night with your toes and ankles. Pick your socks up off the floor with your toes. Learn to use your feet again.
Why is sprinting such a great exercise? 
Most guys aren’t doing any speed work and it’s a shame. Lifting weights and then sitting on the couch doesn’t make you healthy. It makes you half a human being since you’re missing a vital part: running.
Sprinting used to be mandatory.
A long time ago, if you couldn’t sprint it meant you’d be the first one who got chowed down on. You were the slowest one in the herd and you’d get weeded out.
Not only does sprinting get your nervous system fired up, it also releases endorphins and growth hormone, and activates muscle fibers that would otherwise be dormant. That means triggering muscle growth and burning fat, all while doing something you were always intended to do! So, I believe the longer you go without performing this activity, the closer you get to the big “dirt nap.” Hey, it’s not nasty, it’s nature.

Why don’t your muscles get sore after every workout? 
A million people can tell me about delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS) but no one can tell me why it happens. Not even one of the top scientists who studies it.
As he understands it, DOMS is microscopic tearing in the muscle fibers when they undergo stress that creates an inflammatory response that stimulates protein synthesis to create rebuilding of the muscle.
Need an example? Let’s say you haven’t benched in a year. You head to the gym and crush your upper body with a ton of volume on the bench press. How do you feel the next day? Horrible, right? And a few days after that? Still a bit sore. Now let’s say you wait a few more days until you’re not sore anymore and then do the exact same workout. Will you be as destroyed when you finish? Probably not. Why does that happen?
My theory is that a hundred thousand years ago, when seasons and activity levels changed, the body had to be able to adapt to stresses on the fly and then not make us suffer again with repeated bouts of exercise. DOMS is a built-in protective mechanism.
Could you imagine sprinting or climbing for food and being sore as hell the next day when you had to sprint again? What good would that do you if you could never recover and adapt? Your performance would be decreased and you wouldn’t be able to hunt, or get away from predators every day.

I’ve also found that this protective mechanism lasts about two weeks. So, if you do something new with your body, you will be sore for a few days, but then protected against that stimulus for the next couple of weeks. Since you may not have had to hunt or fight every day a million years ago, it was an advantage to have this protection for a few weeks. Interestingly, upon trying to understand why it is two weeks, I researched that a human can’t go without food for much over two weeks, so maybe that was all the time we needed. Again, interesting look at why we are the way we are and respond the way we do.
Why is it hard to activate the glutes?
When was the last time your glutes and lats were as crushed after a workout? If it has been a while, evolution can possibly help to explain why. While in an interesting conversation with “the glute guy” Bret Contreras in California, about the glutes, I realized that perhaps the difficulty in activating the glutes was not just a function of biomechanics, but also metabolic demand.  What I mean is that the glutes are the biggest muscles in body. They require, therefore, the most energy once they are lit up, as well as tons of energy to recover once they are beat up. Those facts would predispose an evolutionary thinker to suggest that a million years ago these muscles would only activate in times of highest needs – like escaping an attack or fighting for one’s life.  Interestingly, sprinting has been found to be an incredible way to activate the glutes. This would be the activity described above as needed for fight or flight.
Why are kids so fat?
Another shocker! The fastest growing age demographic for obesity are ages 2 – 5. Not really a shocker when you look at evolution. Also, kids that would eat anything a parent gave them from infancy to two years old develop a profound choosiness with food at ages 2 – 3. This evolved finickiness is because these are the precise ages that a prehistoric child became mobile and started foraging for themselves. If they didn’t stick with the familiar, they would die off faster. The problem is that today, the familiar food for a three year old is hotdogs, nuggets and ten times the calories they would have gotten in the past. This is why that demographic is the fastest growing in obesity in the world! Kids won’t clean their plate if you don’t make them. Talk about adding in an “anti-human” habitual behavior.
Why is juice the downfall of man? 
Ok, not that kind of juice. I am talking fruit juice, but I’m glad I got your attention. For millions of years, we never took in any calories from the liquids we consumed. So essentially, we’re not designed to get calories from liquids. This design also dictates that we shouldn’t feel satiated from our liquids either. So, today we are guzzling thousands of empty calories that don’t fill us up.  As a result of the increased calories, we don’t feel full, throw down a bunch of food and get fatter.
Another theory I have about the fattening of man is that the human thirst response is slow. I keep hearing this, but does anyone ask “why”?  Maybe cause it was so damn hard to get water a million years ago. Can you imagine if you were thirsty as hell back then? It would have driven a man nuts to the point he would be paralyzed. Today, however, we don’t rely on any response.  We just pound down our choice of colored sugar water and pack on the pounds.
A final piece on obesity and kids is sleep. Every other species on the planet sleeps when they are tired. Not us! We fill our day to tire ourselves out starting at a young age, then stay up until late at night stressing about what we did during the day and the fact that we have to get up earlier than we would like to do it again! I think perhaps one of the biggest technological and human damaging tools is not the fridge, the tv or the cell phone – although they might not be helping either – but the alarm clock! Just 15 to 30 minutes of sleep less a day, not only hurts our ability to recover, but it’s also now being linked with decreased IQ and obesity! Wake up an hour earlier – like most of our kids today – and think about that one. Oh wait, you can’t because your IQ will be reduced. I know, let’s send them to school instead…..

Wrap-up


I hope everyone has enjoyed this “manifesto.” I guess I just needed to get some of these things off my chest. I’m sure there’s even an evolutionary explanation for that, as well as tons of things I left out from this article that need to be covered. The most important thing I wanted to achieve was not just to entertain you, but to make you think. As we evolved, our ability to think and adapt allowed us to take over every part of the planet. Now, we need to get back in touch with this ability and question just what we’re doing with ourselves.
I know that this article won’t prevent injury, but perhaps better understanding it can help lead to less incidences. I know that this article won’t stop the obesity epidemic, but maybe everyone will get a little more in touch with their “inner caveperson.” I know you might not work on your flexibility and start sprinting barefooted, but know that you should. I also know some people might have a problem with the topics covered, but that is why our skin was made able to thicken with use.
We all know the saying “an apple a day keeps the doctor away,” yet most of us might not have had an apple in a while. So, just like the topics I have stated about evolution, “What are the consequences if they’re true and we don’t do anything about it?”

The future of mankind starts with you.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

THE WINTER BLUES

This is an article I paraphrased based on an article by Dr. Mercola. Winter is a "down" time for many people because we do not get as much sunlight. The good news is there are several things you can do to reduce the effects of winter depression.

I honestly love the cold weather and snow, it is one of the reasons I wanted to move my family back here to Bend. While some people look forward to fall and winter, others dread the cooler temperatures and shorter days. They know that the winter season will bring worsening symptoms of depression. Up to 3 percent of the population in the U.S. may suffer from winter depression, which experts term seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. Countless others have a less severe form, dubbed the "winter blues." Symptoms may include:
• Extreme fatigue
• Getting too much sleep
• Difficulty concentrating
• Weight gain

Several treatments have been shown to improve seasonal winter depression, including:
• Light therapy
• Talk therapy
• Melatonin

Light therapy might be as simple as getting up early and walking outside on a bright winter morning. A technique called "dawn simulation" -- in which a light is programmed to turn on early in the morning in your bedroom -- can also help. Light boxes are widely sold over the Internet, and exposure to them can help. When buying one, choose one that is at least 1 foot by 1.5 feet. These larger boxes have more supporting research. Patients sit in front of the light boxes daily for a specified amount of time. Getting bright light in the morning is best for most people. I have personally never used a light box, however, I have read several articles that have compelling evidence and I am yet to find any real contradictions to the positive effects. Most people with seasonal winter depression respond best not only to bright light exposure in the morning, but also to a low dose of the hormone melatonin in the afternoon to reset their body clocks to normal. For some people with winter depression, getting more therapy during colder months can help, too. A boost in activity will also help, even walking around the block or getting out to a ball game. One warning: Craving carbohydrates -- especially sweets -- is a common symptom of SAD. But the boost in energy you get form these simple carbs is temporary, and the extra sweets can mean you'll put on weight.
People with SAD tend to oversleep and overeat during the fall and winter. They easily tire, and find it difficult to maintain a regular schedule. Some become depressed and irritable, and lose interest in social interactions. Other symptoms include:
• A craving for sugary and/or starchy foods, usually resulting in weight gain
• Loss of self-esteem
• Difficulty concentrating and processing information
• Tension and inability to tolerate stress
• Decreased interest in sex and physical contact
• Full remission from depression occurs in the spring and summer months

The Major Cause of Winter Depression
The fact that SAD and the winter blues occur when the days begin to darken and sunlight is scarce is not a coincidence. Sunlight is crucial to human health, and when you don't get enough exposure to it your mood and physical health will suffer. More specifically, your serotonin levels (the hormone associated with elevating your mood) rise when you're exposed to bright light. You may have experienced this "high" feeling after spending some time on a sunny beach, for example. Similarly, the sleep hormone melatonin also rises and falls (inversely) with light and darkness. When it's dark, your melatonin levels increase, which is why you may feel naturally tired when it begins to get dark outside (even when, in the heart of winter, this may be at only 4:00 p.m.). It is because sunlight affects your melatonin-serotonin system that it works so well to alleviate the symptoms of the winter blues and elevates mood. In fact, studies have even found that light therapy or phototherapy, which is the practice of using full-spectrum light therapeutically, works to relieve the symptoms of the winter blues and SAD better than antidepressant drugs.


Dawn simulation, a technique that replicates an earlier dawn through exposure to artificial light, is also proven to alleviate some SAD symptoms. You can easily implement this into your routine by using a dawn-simulating alarm clock, which have a special built-in light that gradually increases in intensity to simulate a natural sunrise. Interestingly, vitamin D, which requires sun exposure to be produced in your body, is also linked to higher levels of serotonin, and it has been suggested that getting plenty of sunlight over the summer helps your body to maintain higher vitamin D levels in the winter, and therefore higher levels of serotonin as well. Many Americans, however, do not get enough sunlight over the summer months, let alone during the winter, which is why full-spectrum light boxes used in the winter can be so helpful. You can actually get many of the same benefits by replacing the regular light bulbs in your home and office with full-spectrum lighting. Natural sunlight is full spectrum, and when looking for the best full-spectrum bulbs for your home, look for the full spectrum of color (imagine the colors of the rainbow), as well as infrared and the three ultraviolet wavelengths. No other type of lighting source -- not "regular" or even "natural" light bulbs or fluorescent light bulbs -- contains these requirements. I wouldn’t consider them a replacement for real sunlight (nothing can do that), but they are the next best thing when the sun is not out, or when it’s too cold to spend time outdoors.
What Else Can Boost Your Mood During the Winter?

There are certain natural mood boosters that are worth trying no matter what the season. These include:
1. Exercise: Regular physical activity works better than antidepressant drugs to improve your mood. Check out our ELITE BOOTCAMP classes at wwwelitefiteducate.org/elite-bootcamp. You can also ask any our BOOTCAMP students how it has changed their lives and increased their own energy and vitality.
2. Get your omega-3: Animal-based omega-3 fats like krill oil are linked to better emotional health. In fact, one study showed that people with lower blood levels of omega-3s were more likely to have symptoms of depression and a more negative outlook while those with higher blood levels demonstrated the opposite emotional states. We carry a great Omega-3 supplement made by dotfit. It is only $10 and can be purchased at the front desk.
3. Go to sleep early. You were designed to go to sleep when the sun sets and wake up when the sun rises. If you stray too far from this biological pattern you will disrupt delicate hormonal cycles in your body. In the winter, this may mean that you’ll want to go to sleep a couple of hours earlier than in the summer. Idealy you want to sleep from 10am to 6am.
4. Avoid grains and sugars:
These will increase your risk of insulin resistance, which is linked to depression (and diabetes). Look for more articles on this subject coming soon. I am doing a little more research as this is becoming a popular topic for some of our members.

If you know that winter depression tends to be an issue for you, keep in mind that you can use these tips year-round, long before your symptoms set in. By doing this there’s a good chance you’ll be able to keep a bright mood no matter what the season.

Have fun and enjoy the process,
Victor Brawner
Fitness Hero

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The secret to my success in marriage after 17 years

Let me start this by saying, in no way, am I attempting to persuade anyone in their religious beliefs or convictions. In sharing my testimony I am only giving you a glimpse into why I do some of the things I do. Again, please do not take this as me being “preachy” or “churchy.” This is just me sharing who I am. I teach several seminars and am constantly making references to books I have read in the past. So far, the best book I have ever read about how a husband should love his wife, is in the Bible. Regardless of your own beliefs you can learn a lot of good lessons from that book. If religion is offensive to you at all, then please close this page and read another article. Otherwise, maybe you can learn something from my mistakes.

I almost lost my wife once. She had been hurting for a very long time. I was a pretty insensitive husband who was more interested in being successful at work than at home. Don’t get me wrong, I was not a bad guy. I never hit my wife, or swore at her; I never even raised my voice to her. Despite never treating her badly, I was hurting her every day. Every day I put my job first, I broke her heart a little more. Every day I chose to work on a day off, I pushed her further away. Now she understood that my work was very important to me and when she married me, she knew I was ambitious and driven. These things weren’t the problem. She understood that in my line of work sometimes it meant working long days and sometimes long weeks. These things weren’t the problem. The problems arose when I didn’t have to work long days and weeks, but chose to anyway. The problems arose when I would come home from a long day of work and then go to the computer to study sales sheets, stats, and flyers. The problems were when, I was on track to hit my goals, but was not content with that. No, if I was able to hit 100%, then I could hit 110% or even 120%.

After 8 years of growing depression and feeling neglected my wife decided I could not change, nor could I make her happy again. When she first confronted me I didn’t take her seriously, in fact, I was angry because she was not grateful for my sacrifice. I mean, I always worked hard so she didn’t have to. Most of our marriage she was a stay at home mom, and I felt I deserved a little respect for being the provider of the family. When I finally realized she was serious, it was too late. I became desperate, and like all Christians, I turned to God. However, my prayers sounded like this “Oh Lord, please change Jenises heart so she can see what a mistake she is making.” Sometimes I would pray; “Lord, please help Jenise to see how she is hurting the children.” I was praying alright, but I was not praying the right way or with the right heart. As I read the book “How to be a praying husband,” it talked about praying to change “my” heart so that I can be the man my wife needs me to be. That was a new concept for me because it suggested that perhaps my wife was not necessarily wrong and maybe I was not necessarily right. In fact, a good friend once suggested that I quit worrying about which one of us was right and just worry about doing what I needed to fix the situation. In fact his exact words were “Victor, I completely agree with you and how you feel. You are absolutely right in this matter; and you’re going to be right, all the way to divorce court.” Then he asked me “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married, because I doubt you will be both.” At first, I was not ready to start praying for my change because of my pride. God actually took care of that in a hurry, which could be a whole testimony in itself. Once my pride was a little more in check I began to ask God to become the man that Jenise had dreamed about marrying. Slowly but surely, God began to reveal to me, some very misguided thoughts I had on how things should be.


This was my junior, her senior prom.
1992

The first place I found myself, was in the book of Ephesians. In the 25th verse of the 5th chapter husbands are instructed to love our wives Christ loved the church. I was already familiar with the verse as many other husbands and I had discussed that it meant if the time came, we had to be willing to die for our wives. Except now, I had been given a new meaning for the verse. Christ did more than just die for us; He sacrificed everything he wanted to do for himself. He sacrificed His goals, His dreams, and any future plans He might have had of raising a family or being a carpenter like His father, Joseph. He gave up His own personal comfort and He gave up what HE wanted to do. That was very big for me. Men, how many of you have goals for yourself or maybe even your family that are tearing your family apart or at least putting a strain on your relationships. Husbands, I want to challenge you to see if you would be willing to give up your hopes and dreams for your wife’s happiness, or do you constantly sacrifice your wife happiness for your dreams and goals? Now, I am not talking about making an ultimate sacrifice. I used to tell my wife all the time that if she wanted me to I would quit my job for her, and we could live in a shack and not provide for our family. Of course, I always hoped to God she would never ask me to do it, because I don’t think I could have. Throwing in the guilt trip of providing for the family would usually end the discussion. That was just my lame way of making her think I was putting her above my work. But I realized, it is not about the big things and the big sacrifices. It is in the little things that we show our wives we love them. Our work gets us for 5 days a week. Our family only gets 2 days. How can your family be more important than work, when you cannot even manage to give them 2 days a week? Now husbands, I understand there are circumstances when extra time is required of you, and I can assure you, our wives understand this too. But when it becomes routine to work long days and weeks, they really miss us a lot. I understand bills need to be paid and we all want nice things, but do not ever work at a job that requires you to neglect your family. Oh, and you do not get to decide what is neglect, they do. There are thousands of jobs out there and when push comes to shove, you can always get another job, people do it every day. But you can never replace the family that you have now. Do not ever put less effort into your marriage because you think your wife will always be around for you. So now, I understood that if I was going to love my wife the way Christ loved the Church that meant I needed to be willing to sacrifice more than just my life if the situation came up. I needed to be willing to sacrifice for her, everyday.

But God wasn’t done with me yet. You see, not only did Jesus sacrifice for us, but he did it, at a time when we did not deserve it. That brought up some questions for me so asked God, “Does this mean that if my wife doesn’t want me to do something, that I shouldn’t do it?” Well what if she is being unreasonable or unfair? Then could I justify not sacrificing what I wanted to do, to make her happy? What about my happiness and what I want. Then an interesting thought popped into my head. What if I took the first step in being unselfish? What if my wife saw me making an effort to put her needs and wants above my own? I wonder if it might make her maybe sacrifice foe me once in awhile? If you only could have known me back then, you would know what a foreign concept that was to me. But then I thought to myself “Sometimes, I really don’t think Jenise deserves to have me sacrifice the things I want.” I can’t tell you how fast that thought was replaced with “Good thing Jesus didn’t feel that way.” I think that thought, jumped in my head before the first one was even done.



So now I realized that not only did I need to sacrifice for my wife but sometimes I needed to do it when she didn’t deserve it. That is because I feel that I must love my wife more than myself and how can I say that when I always put my needs ahead of hers? At this point I thought I had the verse figured out. Then I realized that not only did Christ sacrifice for us at a time when we didn’t deserve it, but he also did it at a time when we didn’t ask him to. Oh man, that was huge for me. Husbands, how many times have you asked your wife to do something and she said “yes.” You knew in your heart that she didn’t want you to do it but you justified it by saying “Well if she didn’t want me to do it, she should have said no.” Aren’t you glad Jesus didn’t have that type of attitude? He saw our need and he did what he knew, needed to be done. He even did it in spite of everyone telling him not too. He was able to look past what we said we wanted to realize what we really needed. Husbands, when you wife tells you it is ok, to do something and you know she doesn’t want you to do it; you need to not do it. Even if she says she is ok with it. That would be one way to show your wife how much she means to you and how much you love her.

How many of you have wives, that if they saw you making these sacrifices for them on a regular basis, would not in turn, do the same for you? I doubt any of you have that type of wife. My hope is this; Husbands do not blow this off and assume it doesn’t apply to you. Do not ever assume that you know exactly how your wife feels. Instead, take this to her and let her read it. Ask her if you are loving her as it is described in these pages. When you married your wife, you made a promise to her that you would love her. Don’t make those just empty words that everyone says. Make it your daily ambition to fulfill those words to her every day, and watch the love and sacrifice you will get in return. Our God has given us very specific instructions on how we are to love. If you want to be a man of God then you must love your wife the way He has very plainly laid it out for us. I have known the fear of knowing that I was going to lose a job, but I can tell you, it does not even compare to the feeling of knowing that I was going to lose my family.



I originally wrote this about 4 years ago and to give you an update, I think I work just as much now as I did then. I might even work more, now that we run a family business. The difference is, I have worked very hard to create an environment where I can work hard and still be a huge part of my family. In being blessed with ELITE Fitness, Jenise can work with me so even though I am working long hours, she is right there with me. We work together 6 days a week and we love every minute of it. So much so, that on the rare occasion I have to work out of town, we miss each other like crazy after the first day. Our kids get dropped off at the gym, not at home. They do their homework at the gym and then they help out. My kids clean the gym and check people in. Most of the members know my kids and love seeing them. My kids know how to work and know the value of a dollar. What's made the biggest difference is that I work "only when I have to" and Jenise knows it. I take time off to spend with the family when I can. Sometimes I have to work alot and sometimes I can get away with an extra day off. The fact that I take those days when I can makes all the difference in the world to Jenise.

Monday, October 4, 2010

A disturbing thing I have seen at ELITE Fitness and Education

We have officially been open for two years as of this Friday. During that two years we have seen hundreds of people make amazing transformations in their bodies and their lives. It has been very exciting and inspirational to say the least.

Unfortunately, not everyone that gets great results maintains them and that is the point of this article. I can think of about 10 people from the wall of fame that have not maintained. The question is, why not? The obvious answer is because they stopped doing what it was, that got them those results in the first place. I want to write this article to pre-warn those who are well on their to achieving success so they do not fall into the same trap. Why does a person go from feeling amazing and great, and then let themselves go back to their old ways? Let me explain. Let's say Ethel, (I use Ethel because I have never had a client named Ethel, and I don't want anyone to think I am singling them out.) is 50 pounds overweight. Let's also say she has been 50 pounds overweight for at least one year. If that is the case that means she is doing some number of things to maintain that. What I mean is that if I overeat for one month I will gain weight. If I stop overeating the next month I will lose the extra weight I gained before the "bad" month. Does that make sense? If someone maintains 50 extra pounds of weight that means they are consistenly overeating to maintain that. It's not like, if I overeat just one time, that weight stays with me forever. I have to keep overeating, otherwise, my weight would go back down.

Getting back to Ethel, if she is 50 pounds overweight and maintains that, it means she has created an environment to be 50 pounds overweight. So she is fed up with it and comes to our ELITE Boot camp. While she is in boot camp she avoids sugar, processed foods, half off margarita night, and many other bad habits she created for herself in the past. After 6-7 months she reaches her goal and is happy.

The problem occurs when she finishes boot camp and leaves her "50 pound less" environment. She stops hanging out with her boot camp buddies and before you know it, the only influences she has, are the friends and family from her "50 pounds overweight" environment. Now, let me pause here for a moment and clarify that I am not suggesting that someone forsake their family and friends for the purpose of having a better life. This is what we call our "4th peer group" concept in boot camp. I came up with this concept after seeing so many people get results and then lose them after the program was over. We do not want you to kick your loved ones to the curb. Instead, we want you to create another peer group of people that understand what you are wanting to do. You see, most people have three peer groups. Their immediate family they live with, the people they work with, and a close group of friends or church group. Most people have those three groups and they are very often, not as supportive as we would like them to be. By creating a fourth peer group, you have another group of people that completely understand what you are wanting to do, and because they are on the same journey as you, they can be more supportive.

So Ethel has lost 50 pounds but goes back to the same environment that got her 50 pounds overweight in the first place. Does it make sense why she gains the weight back? You are, whatever your environment is. This is not always true, however, it is more often than not. When kids grow up surrounded by alcohol and abuse, it is easy for them to follow in that environment. If you hang out with ELITE athletes, it is difficult to serve pastries and cookies at social events. At the same time, if you hang out with overweight people that do not worry about themselves, it is difficult to do the right thing. The answer for you, and Ethel, is to maintain the support group after you finish boot camp. You will not likely be in boot camp forever and you need an environment of positive energy and "like-minded" people to give you that "recharge and refocus."

This is why I tell people to use their gym membership like most people use church. Nobody I know, goes to church 7 days a week, not even the pastor. Most people go to church once, maybe twice a week to hang out with "like-minded" people and get an emotional recharge. You do not need to be a fitness fanatic to be in good shape. You can do 2 workouts at home then come to the gym 1-2 times a week to get that recharge. Come to a free seminar, check out the new articles we write, or check out the "workout of the week" board for new workout ideas. This will insure you maintain focus, and your hard earned success.

If you finish boot camp and say "I can just do my boot camp workouts at home" you will most likely be disappointed. The problem with "at home" workouts is there are too many distractions at home. You are "the boss" at home and no one can make you do the right thing. You are surrounded by your favorite furniture and your favorite foods. There is very little that is good for you at home when it comes to fitness.

Now I want to talk directly to the people that got really good results with ELITE and then left, only to lose their success. If you have left, please know you can always come back. I would never make anyone feel bad for leaving and will always welcome you back with open arms. I will even sing the song "open arms" to you although, I do not do a very good Steve Perry. If you left and wen to another program and you have maintained your results, I am not talking to you. Of course, you are always welcome back, and I am just happy you have maintained. I am talking to those of you who left, and are not sure how I will act, or you are embarrassed to come back. I call it going home to "die from shame." Some people will never come back because they think I will point at them and say something nasty like "I told you so, or YOU NEED ME." I promise that will never happen. I understand how hard it is to not only get results, but then maintain them.

I am writing this article now, because as summer winds down I am getting alot of people coming back to the gym after their summer "off" from their program. I am so happy and grateful to get them back, but I also know there are other people who have not come back. They will continue trying "100 other programs" instead of coming back to the one that got them results in the first place. If you don't like me, I get it. Alot of people don't care for my "in your face- no excuses" personality. I have a brand new fitness manager who I can only describe as a more educated, "soft and creamy" version of me. Give him a shot. You can even come in when I am out of the gym. I just want you to get your results back. His name is Tom and he is awesome. If you want to meet with him you can email him directly at Tom@elitefiteducate.org.

If you want to email me I am at Victor@elitefiteducate.org. You can send me a private email and tell me you want to come back or you can tell me what an unbelievable S.O.B. you think I am. I don't take it personal as long as you are getting results.

You can also continue to keep up with my new articles at www.elitefiteducate.org.

All the best to everyone this holiday season,

Victor Brawner, Fitness Hero
ELITE Fitness and Education